Last weekend was RISE! our Yoga and Writing Retreat for Transformation. I felt cloaked in a bubble of creativity and spirituality. Three full days of yoga, writing, more yoga, more writing... I left the house occasionally to walk the dog and was reminded that the world was still happening outside our inspired words, mindful movements, and loving insight.

Each time my heart swelled I thought, can my heart expand any further than this? I think it can. 

I think our hearts can expand much further than we ever allow. 

At the beginning of the retreat The Writer, Julie, asked us to choose an intention - a focus, not a goal, but something to explore and get curious about. To examine, under the lens of our own personal experience and then ask ourselves, what is true? 

I chose worthiness. I didn't think long and hard about my intention. This practice is similar to yoga or meditation, when the thought arrives, you just accept it, instead of letting your thinking brain change your mind. When it came to me, I was underwhelmed.

Worthiness. 

This is what I was meant to explore. I didn't know why. I didn't know what it meant. But my heart had brought it to me, so I had to remain open.

By the end of the weekend I realized my worth plays out in all areas of my life. To know my worth is to say no when my heart tells me something isn't right for me - a relationship, a job, a dinner party. To know my worth is to say yes when my heart tells me something is right for me - a person, a spiritual path, a desire to write, a dream to publish a book.

To know my worth is to listen to my heart.

When I listen, and take action that reflects my worth, my heart swells. When I turn away, for the sake of logic, reason, or fear, my heart reminds me. I feel frazzled, confused, anxious... Luckily, our hearts do not give up on us. They sit and beat, again and again, patiently waiting for us to wake up to their thump-thump wisdom.

A few days after the retreat I did a photo shoot with my photographer, who is also my friend, and also a writer. She had the idea to photograph me in front of the full length mirrors in my yoga studio. She showed up to the shoot excited and with a cabaret-type mask in her hand. “I think you should wear this in the photos.”

I flinched a bit - ok, I’ll play along but again, I am underwhelmed. The mask is a costume, a prop, and what does it have to do with yoga?

Everything. The mask has everything to do with yoga, because yoga has everything to do with Self.

Photography by Kimberly Lempart

Something more than great photography happened during the shoot, something magical and significant with the mirror, my reflection, and the mask. As we photographed, a sort of other-world energy made itself present. We started to not be able to tell the difference between my reflection and my actual body on the other side. Which one was real? In the photos, it’s hard to tell. Who is looking at who?

As people, we only see ourselves as the reflection - in the mirror, in other people, in society’s beliefs and expectations.

What if we let what’s really inside of us emerge? What would it look like, and how powerful would it be??

I invite you to take a photo of yourself and also a photo of your reflection - which one looks more like you? The real one or the reflection?

And the mask - - - wearing the mask allowed me to move and shape my body in ways I am otherwise afraid to do. Wearing the mask changed my reflection to the outer world, and my reflection to myself. The woman behind the mask is me, but a version that is normally kept small and polite.

The woman in these photos seems to know her worth. Now my question is, can I be this woman in life, without the mask?