The road of change is paved with many twists and turns. Our own perception of success and failure keeps us in turmoil when actually, there may be nothing wrong. We may be doing just fine. I remember my early recovery, which wasn't flawless or without huge falls. Once I made the decision to get sober, the path was not only grueling at times, it was also dotted with periods of drinking again. Each time, I felt something was wrong. Each time, I felt like I had failed. Each time, I wondered what I was missing, and why I couldn't just do what I had set out to.

Making a tough choice does not mean we will be perfect. Looking back, I wish I could have understood that continual sobriety might take a few relapses. I am grateful that the setbacks did not stop me from trying, but they could have easily derailed me. Often, with any choice or goal, we can talk ourself out of it at the first sign of failure. Our ego takes a hit, and we don't want to go on.

Overcoming the ego is the most effective strategy towards any goal.

A few reminders help me when I have set a goal, and the path becomes hard, or I don't meet my own expectations. First, any worthy pursuit requires persistence and an ability to learn from our mistakes. If we aren't getting something perfect the first time, it is because we have more to learn. Maybe we need to know that our goal is worthy. Maybe we need to pick up a new tool. Maybe we need to remember why we are on this path in the first place. If we can allow set backs to be teachers, we strengthen our resolve, and we increase our resilience. We improve our ability to succeed in the long run.

Set backs on any path are also great opportunities to treat ourselves with compassion. Our journey is cumulative, meaning any progress made is not lost just because we temporarily revert to old behavior. The only true loss is if we give up completely.

Acknowledging wins is a great way to stay motivated toward any goal. These wins may not be what we expected, but often they never are. Motherhood has also taught me this - learning to parent is not like the image I had in my head before I became a mom. Parenting includes mistakes. But the mistakes do not throw out my entire capacity as a mother. The mistakes help me understand the I am not perfect, and that it is silly to pretend to be. Actually, honoring mistakes and that I don't "know it all" keeps me learning and growing. Without this awareness, it would be impossible to change.

When we screw something up, or perceive that we have, remember that twists and turns are part of change. Being perfect from the start offers no wisdom, no chance to practice humility, and no chance to get back up. In the rising, we gain strength. In the rising, we gain new perspectives. In the rising, we figure out the missing pieces. Maybe most importantly, in the rising, we learn that we CAN.

You will figure out your missing pieces. Staying on the path and seeing it through is the only way to reach your destination. The ego will tell you that your failure means you should give up. Your ego will tell you that you should be further along, or that the journey shouldn't be this hard.

Let go of your ego and your expectation. Be still with the acknowledgement of how far you have come. Let that sink in - remember where you were a year ago, a month ago. Remember how it felt when you were "getting it right".

I promise, you are making progress. I promise the path is much harder when you self-loath and self-criticize along the way. It's ok not to be perfect. Our society tends to romanticize the rags to riches story, as if there were no setbacks along the way. When we believe this story, and expect that we should match that image, it can be difficult to accept our own delays.

The getting up was the hardest for me. Each time I tumbled from my sobriety I felt the lowest I have ever felt. I felt hopeless, fearful, and full of doubt. Somehow, I picked myself back up. Each time, I reached out for a different kind of support. I added tools to the toolkit I already thought was too much. I was mad that I couldn't do more on my own and that I needed so much help. This was a waste of energy and an attachment to my ego. There is nothing wrong with taking all the help you need, on any meaningful path. The goals that have been worthwhile in my life have taken courage, humility, acceptance, and an ability to keep going. I still get stuck and frustrated when things don't go my way right from the start. I guess I am still learning in this area.

Today, acknowledge your progress. You have come so far. And no matter how dark things look, you can keep going, letting the lessons from your past be your guide.