I've learned to embrace gentle words like allow, witness, practice, and feel. I've tried to eliminate the harsh assumption of words like force, make, do, and be.

Be what? And what should I do in order to be her?

Even existing beneath the lens of needing to be someone can feel exhausting. What does that person look like? How does she act? What does she think and believe?

I took a marketing class in college and we learned how to create an "ideal customer" for whatever we were trying to sell. This person had an appearance, an income, hobbies, favorite foods, types of pets, political views, and an entire family history. Of course, this exercise was meant to predict such person's buying habits, as well as understand how to appeal to him or her - as a seller, what could you say to this person so they would buy? The key was to hit on a pain point or emotion. What was this person's biggest fear, or deepest longing?

I have nothing against this marketing technique and I agree when you create an ideal customer, and figure out their thoughts and behaviors, marketing to them becomes more successful than targeting every single person on the planet.

However, YOU are not this person on a spreadsheet or pie graph. Of course, as groups we may have similarities, and maybe they come from having similar experiences and lives, but not every part of us fits so neatly into a label or category.

How should a mother behave and dress? What should a yoga teacher believe, eat, do with her free time??? Get rid of the labels and roles you are trying to fit into - it’s hard enough to be who you already are. Instead of living from the outside-in, try living from the inside-out. You don’t need to match society’s expectation, you only need to bring out what is already there.

A lot of my own suffering comes when I resist something from within in me that wants to come out. When I try to force the outer image, rather than allow for what actually is. When I make something happen instead of learning from the practice. When I become a constant do-er instead of stopping to witness.

I've learned that a peaceful life is mostly observation and non-judgement. This includes observing yourself as well as others. If I allow for what is inside me, it might not look like the image. If I allow for what is inside me, it might be the "wrong" thing to say. If I allow for what is inside me, it might look strange on the outside.

But the only way to not be in a constant battle with Self is to allow who you really are to emerge, regardless of contradictions or surprises.

There are no rules to how you should live your life. Moral obligations, sure, but in terms of what your life looks like - the family, the relationship, the job, the pursuits - none if them need to fit into a label or expectation; none of your life needs to look like anyone else’s.

The best part about humanity is the experiences we share, in order to connect - but also the individual differences that make us uniquely who we are. The parts of a person that are most interesting, and bring the most gifts, are those that no one can explain or project.

Nothing has to match up. Nothing has to fit neatly onto a spreadsheet of likes, dislikes, beliefs and values. You are individually, extraordinarily, and perfectly - you.