It doesn't matter what they think. What matters is that you don't experience that sinking feeling anymore, that feeling when you go against yourself, yet you endure the agitation and self-loathing in order to keep the peace.

You fear confrontation will make you feel worse. So you shoulder it all, knowing you've done it before, and you can do it again. You know how to deal with you. It's other people that make you nervous, because you don't know what they will do, say, or think. What if they retaliate? What if they're mad? What if they don't like you???

This is conditioning. We are tricked into thinking the outcome will be worse if we express how we really feel. Or if we take action that will benefit us and possibly disappoint others. Or if we leave something unhealthy, abusive, or simply not in our best interest.

We fear the consequence of others' responses more than we fear the burden of staying small.

Staying small means we refuse to shine our light. We refuse to let the true parts of ourself out. We refuse to acknowledge our own needs and desires. We remain small in order to keep others comfortable.

In reality, people probably don't think about us all that much. Each of us are on our own path, and we tend to keep our eyes and our emotions on how something will affect us, good or bad. Contrary to popular thought, we know what's best for us, not other people.

Initially, setting a boundary or standing up for ourself might create a sting and some defensiveness from others. But then, after not much time, we'll realize that our impact on someone else is not that great. We are responsible for our path, and they are responsible for theirs.

Of course, everyone would love it if we did everything they wanted. If we met all their expectations and helped them through the loneliness and confusion of life. I love making others happy. I love having a positive effect on people, helping, and healing. I love it so much, that when I do need something different, something for myself, sometimes it's hard to voice that.

If you've spent much of your life, like I have, making others happy and comfortable, it can feel discouraging the minute you learn to set boundaries. All of a sudden, all the people you kept happy for so long retaliate.

They might express disappointment. They might get angry. They might try to change your mind.

Stand strong.

This is not the time to acquiesce or give up on yourself. You've set an important course in motion, and it's important you see it through. Whether you're saying "no" for the first time, or making a bigger decision, remember that your happiness and fulfillment matter too. That voice inside you is real. Your gut is real. You know when you're being called to answer it, even if the answer will make others upset.

There are so many ways we can box ourselves in. Society gives us plenty of "rules" and formats of what our life should look like - a marriage, a family, a career. Truthfully, there are no rules, only the ideas we've kept real in our minds. Your life can look like whatever you want it to, if you have the courage and the self-love to pursue it.

Happiness and fulfillment come from within, not from anything outside ourself.

Which means the outside can look amazing and we can feel miserable. Just like the outside can look miserable and we can feel amazing.

The only way to keep growing, and to be big, big like we are meant to be, is to honor our own Self. BIG means being who you are, and bringing forth what is within you, regardless of how it looks to anyone else.