Learning to Ride the Waves

It's easy to talk the spiritual talk when life is good. Our hearts are whole. Our desires are being met. Our breath is easy.

When life is hard, when the pain rises, your heart breaks, or your wishes seem to fade, this is when the practice becomes the real teacher.

Leaning into deep sensations, emotional or physical, takes courage, patience, and fierce love for oneself.

Leaning in does not mean pushing through; although for me it often feels like this. Days when my emotions feel unbearable I want it to be night, so I can land in my bed. For rest. For a break from feeling. Maybe I can stay busy with laundry, tasks, the kids. Maybe I can get through this day.

In reality, I know I need to breathe. Even when the breath feels forced, and every exhale is like a plea for help, I know the inhale will arrive. I know it might feel just as heavy as the last. To lean in is to watch, breath by breath, as the seconds tick on. I am still here, phew.

I've noticed that watching the breath through difficult times brings some relief. At least I am not stuck in my mind. Times of anxiety or sadness bring my critical voice to the forefront - lots of stories and wounds are revealed, and threaten to pull me away. The breath keeps me tethered to the reality of the moment. My body is here; I am fine. This is an emotional wave to ride.

Our emotions move like waves. Emotions arrive, build, crest, and fall. Someimtes the entire wave happens in an instant, and then begins again. Sometimes the wave lasts for days, maybe cresting at some point, but I promise, it eventually does fall. Emotions are not meant to remain constant. When I am in a difficult emotional state, it helps me to notice these waves, and recognize that they always change.

When sad or anxious, I fear I will feel this way forever. So observing the temporality brings me hope. Another benefit to understanding our emotions as waves is that they pass more quickly. We also have the chance to learn something - and hopefully to change something.

Every wave is an opportunity to be rid of that particular habit or wound, forever.

As we near the wave's peak (the most acute and painful point) it is human nature to jump off. There are lots of ways to jump off the wave before it gets too hard - denial and blaming. We can drink or eat something. We can distract ourself with many behaviors that pull us out of our current experience.

We can also find ways to ride the wave that aren't completely checking out. We can take a walk and stay tuned in. We can mindfully nourish the body and practice self care. We can take a bath. We can journal, meditate, or move. We take care of ourself, but stay on the wave.

Staying on the wave means we will reach the breaking point, and the fall. Jumping off the wave means we will repeat the same cycle, and never really learn.

Once the wave crests, and falls, we discover a myriad of things about ourself - first, that we can survive difficult emotions. Second, that we will not in fact break or disappear as the result of pain. Lastly, there may be new insight we can take with us after seeing a difficult emotion through. We arrive at the bottom of the wave, a new person.

I know it's hard to stay with yourself when life has you down. I know riding the waves takes grit and stamina. I know you can do it. Ask yourself if you're jumping off, or if you're allowing yourself this experience. The practice works on you, when you stay.