No Regrets

Sometimes I imagine I am living several different lives at once - all a result of different choices, circumstances and decisions. Had I gone there, chosen this, not been so full of self-doubt, or been more level-headed, then where would I be?

It's the old, misdirected phrase, "If I knew then what I know now..."

We wouldn't know what we know today unless everything that happened yesterday, happened. The past exactly as it occurred is the only reason we have knowledge and awareness today.

To look back and think "if only" I had not made that mistake (or all the mistakes), is to minimize the beautiful gift of experience, the gift of not knowing. The not knowing is when we learn and grow - we may screw up. We may succeed - it doesn't matter. There is not a right or wrong, as much as a "just keep going".

When we think we could have done things differently we miss that today is a result of all the decisions and events before. Without every single event that came before, we could not have today. We'd be somewhere else, living a different life. Maybe a worse one. Throughout history, injustices and tragedies have taught us when to make a change. Bad situations or "mistakes" point to change needing to happen. In fact, we'd still be in the same dark and lonely place, had the situation not gotten out of hand.

The best we can do with an ugly or painful circumstance is grow from it. Growing through pain is also the path to healing.

When faced with something we aren't proud of, or we don't like, we have the power to change course. I often want to fast-forward to the good stuff. Get me out of the lessons, the pain, the wondering, and the unknown. Just get me to the end result of beauty, peace, and serenity.

Serenity only exists if you've experienced suffering. Serenity is a result of letting go of outside circumstance as a dictator of your inner worth. Money, success, a relationship, a career, a person, a car, a gain, a loss, or anything else outside your own heart, cannot steal nor create your serenity. Outside people and things may bring pleasure, ease, feelings of accomplishment, friendship, love, but they cannot create serenity or your worth. They also do not determine your capacity. Our capacity is inside of us, and not reflected in the outer appearance of things.

The story and the path may be messy - they probably are. It's ok. The messiness got you here. There is no need to regret or wallow in decisions from the past. In fact, you can flip your entire perspective and actually be grateful for every horrible, messy, shameful wrong turn.

Your experience, and all the events and choices that happened before this, had a monumental impact on who you are today. Today, is 100% possible because of everything that came before.