It's possible our bodies and our psyches are in a constant state of overcoming - we could be moving through a difficult life situation like death or divorce, or we could be trying to figure out why someone gave us the finger while making that left turn. Regardless, we experience, process, and then move on. The processing can look like many different things, require many different tools, and take any length of time.

Once I heard someone speak about going through a challenging time. She talked about her experience as drowning, and then finally "coming up for air". I love the reference to water. For me, the last 5 years have felt a lot like drowning, treading water, finding the smooth surface, sinking back down, and coming up for air. For whatever reason, my divorce and my addiction both surfaced in the same year. I navigated each obstacle separately, and only now can look back and see how interconnected they actually were.

Divorce felt very much like an official ending, and the possibility of a new beginning. Divorce doesn't end when the final papers are signed. Divorce means creating a new life without someone you thought would be there. I had waves of knowing everything would be ok, but until I got my solid footing as a new single person, there were many ups and downs. Just when I thought I had the hang of my new life, I would be brought face to face with a reminder, like bills to pay or house chores to complete, and it felt like sinking all over again.

My addiction began as a never-ending dark night of willpower, fighting each day to stay sober. Slowly, it became more normal, and I experienced the pink cloud of life without numbing. Free from substance, I could breathe. When life got hard, as it does, I had to focus on new ways to deal, ways that didn't involve alcohol.

Neither my divorce nor my addiction were smooth sailing. Even once I committed, and knew my path forward, difficult life challenges would threaten to pull me under, and to abandon course. Overcoming divorce and addiction both required many tools and spiritual practices. In order to create a new life, I have to do things everyday. I still do them. I learned to live one day at a time, keep at it, and eventually the days built into an entire new existence.

I think the myth that must be dispelled around any overcoming, is that we are done once we come up for air - in reality, we may sink back down and come up for air many many times. There will never be a moment where we stay up permanently, where everything all of a sudden makes sense.

All of life is a practice, and anything worthwhile requires discipline, and a continued returning. At first, in any overcoming, the peaks and valleys might be close together. We glimpse freedom and possibility, and then are quickly dragged back to an old way of being. We come up for air - but even when we sink back down, we know the coming up is possible. In order to change our way of life, we need to give ourselves the time it takes to overcome years of doing things a different way. All I knew was 10 years of marriage. All I knew was taking a drink to swallow any pain. How silly to think these beliefs and behaviors could be undone and dismantled in a short period of time.

The longer I stay sober, and the longer I engage in the practices it takes to create this new life, the more natural all of it becomes. Once again, I am coming up for air. This time, I am staying up much longer. The water feels good and manageable. The sky looks hopeful. And the sun feels happy on my skin.

Whether you are in a peak or a valley. Whether you are drowning or coming up for air. Whether you have been down for a long time or blessedly up, know that rising and descending is part of the path. There are lessons in the peaks and in the valleys. Sinking does not mean anything is lost. It means that soon, you will once again, be coming up for air.