I stand by my Values. I stand by Myself.

The best way to connect with our true Self, is to know our values. Likewise, the quickest way to abandon ourself, is to go against who we are. Who we are includes what we believe in, what makes us feel passion, and what makes us feel shame. 

Having personal values doesn't mean we judge others - it doesn't even mean we are right. Standing by our values means we honor our truth, and we don't worry if it's not the truth of anyone else. Our decisions support what we value, and we notice when we are going against ourself. 

This skill to discern what feels "good" and "right" to us, has beautiful and amazing ramifications. When we are aligned with our own truth, we walk and act with confidence. We know what to do because we know who we are. We understand that others may not agree. We know that not honoring ourself will make us feel worse and not better.

I know the feeling of abandoning myself. Even when I didn't think I knew who I was, my body knew. A part of me knew that drinking was an escape from everything I loved and wanted to love. A part of me knew my yoga practice was ineffective while hung over. A part of me knew the connection I craved did not stand a chance beneath all my anger and resentments. A part of me knew. 

Every single time this inner knowing has come down to one, very accurate sensation - guilt. What is guilt? For me, guilt is a nagging. A sense of regret, layered with knowing. A sense of rebellion but with inner conflict. Guilt arrives when I have forgotten who I am, which means I have not chosen in accordance with a value. 

Values can be family, religion, health, creativity, spirituality, personal growth, nature, and lots of others. Taking the time to recognize your own values is helpful in learning why you choose what you do, why you spend time with certain people, and why you opt out of certain habits and activities. A value is a guide - a value is a reminder when you get pulled in another direction by something that may appear shinier, or harmless.

You probably act in accordance with your values naturally. But there are always times when we don't know which choice to make. I get especially caught up when I am trying to please someone else, even when it goes against a value of my own. I might be lured into a social event when I really want time at home with my kids. My solution to the indecision is to always ask, "Which aligns with my value?" 

Will the longer commute mean less time with family?

Will spending the money mean we can't go on vacation? 

Will taking the promotion mean less time for self-care?

We are always making decisions. Knowing who you are, based on your values, makes decisions easier, and ensures less "guilt" over not standing up for yourself. If you are truly in turmoil, consider where you have let go of yourself, where you are acting against yourself, and where you have completely forgotten what is meaningful to you. There is a way back, and it starts with a faint remembering, a small reminder, of your values.