Focus takes Focus

I'm writing a book, a yoga memoir that uses the Eight Limbs of Yoga as a path for life. Currently, I am working on Chapter 6, the chapter on Focus. Chapter 6 is the 6th Limb of Yoga, Dharana. Dharana means focus, and is the limb right after presence, and right before meditation. First, we become present by removing outside noise. Then, we find a focus by bringing our attention to a single point. Then, while connected and focused, we meditate. With all my research and writing about focus lately, I have ironically been the least focused possible.

I have stress, children, a new home, family matters, a new relationship, a new job, and all the other obligations and associations heaped on us on a daily basis. This is life. It's busy, which is why we need yoga and mindfulness so much.

My problem is that once I experience something, like focus, I expect it to come easily again and again. I want more. But the reality is, I have to work to achieve presence and focus every. single. time.

Today I got all the way to the store and parked, but when I went to grab for my bag on the seat, I realized I had left my bag, and my wallet, at home. Annoyed but determined, I drove back home and retrieved my bag, then came back to the store. I grabbed the one cart with an immobile wheel and put it back. I replaced it with another cart that had a slightly less immobile wheel. I shopped for the items on my list, and wasted another 25 minutes wandering aimlessly through the aisles of Walmart for stuff I didn't need. I finally checked out, with my necessities and my extras, and then I couldn't find my car in the parking lot. I walked to another red jeep that looked exactly like mine and nearly opened the back to put the groceries in before I realized my jeep was on the other side of the median.

Focus. Where is my focus? Who am I to be writing a chapter on focus when I lose my own so regularly? But that's exactly the point. Focus is hard to attain. That's why there are 5 Limbs of Yoga before it. Veering off course is a normal human condition because we are run by an easily lured, happily distracted mind. Our mind loves wandering through the aisles of Walmart, or Target, or the pet store, or gas station, or wherever you find yourself wandering. The last thing the mind wants to do is sit still and actually witness anything happening inside.

The times when I need focus the most are also the times I resist stillness all together, or I get up too soon before I have given presence a proper chance. Some days take longer to settle in than others. Some days are a fight to stop, sit, and stay. I hear my mind teasing me, "You can't do this, not today. There's way too much going on and you're way too much of a mess. I can give you 10 things to get up and do right now that are more important than sitting here trying to meditate."

When focus is hard, I persist. I owe it to myself. My daily distractions and missteps are nudges to get still and get clear. Focus isn't supposed to be easy, not when we live such multi-faceted lives with so much access and attention. Not when we can gather endless information in such a short amount of time. Our brains are on hyper-drive, and they love it. Because staying distracted keeps us from the truth. It might take one deep inhale. It might take 10 deep inhales. But the voice in your head will quiet down, and you will attain presence and even focus. Give it a chance, and then try again.