Move Forward Anyway

Decision paralysis. The rumination. The obsession. The inability to do anything until a final plan is hatched.

Decision-making is tough. I have as much trouble ordering from a menu at a restaurant as I do deciding what to do with the rest of my life. Why? Because we falsely view all decisions as final. Cliches abound like, "There's no turning back." "The train has left the station." "Make a choice and stick with it." Such pressure!

Not that endless vacillating is good either. NOT making a decision can easily become an excuse and leave us stuck as well. It's important to remain the witness as we see things through or let them run their course. Keen observation as everything plays out can be a wise teacher. During any decision-making process, we can lend ourselves the gift of not focusing on the decision, of not choosing something "once and for all" (another cliche), and instead move forward in small ways, especially if our path is not so clear.

I've run my own business for the last 10 years. Before that, I taught in higher education. Today, I wonder about continuing as an entrepreneur or getting a full time gig - you know, in order to be "responsible". I don't know the best decision for me. But I have opened myself up to feelings and signs, and in moving forward with all possibilities, much has been revealed. I job search. I apply to positions that look interesting. I remember my core values. I weigh full time employment against freelancing. I remain open. I am not tied to the decision. Maybe you sense unease in your work. Maybe you sense a decision should be made, like a change in what you originally anticipated. 

In order to not let a decision paralyze you, practice what you know is healthy, right now. Putting off and an unwillingness to see flaws or unhealthy behaviors that are right in front of us is human nature. It's easier and more comfortable to stay put rather than forge ahead into the unknown. Even when our situation is bad or ugly, at least it's familiar. When weighing the decision to file for divorce, I first decided to go to yoga. Then I decided to quit drinking. After that, I decided to add more self-care to my daily routine. I chose recovery meetings. I went to church. I found a therapist. I decided to take up running. I decided to play more with my boys. I decided to write - every day. 

I didn't stay fixed on the ONE final decision, but I moved forward anyway, with many tiny decisions that eventually gave me the strength and the knowing that separation from my husband was the right thing. It was like collecting data for a science project except the project was me and the experiment was my life. By not remaining still, by moving forward despite, by trusting the unknown, more was revealed along the way. 

It turns out, what I thought was a decision to end my marriage was actually so much more. In observing the decision, I made small changes that brought me to where I am now - not only unmarried, but a new person, a healthier person, a person with more sense of self and self-compassion. 

If the Universe wanted to teach me self-love, it threw everything at me until I got it. 

I was addicted, I was alone, and I was afraid. The decision might have been over my marriage, but the moving forward taught me so much more about myself and my capacities. The moving forward taught me about my flaws and my shadows. The moving forward taught me how to rise, and how to overcome. Sometimes we think we are faced with a decision, like what to eat from the menu or whether or not to leave a relationship. Whether or not to stay in a relationship. Whether or not to stay in our job. Really, it's not about the decision at all - it's all about the path we take to get there, and what we glean from it along the way.