“I used to think I was just independent and strong-willed. I’m learning that a guarded heart, masked as independence, might be what has kept me feeling alone in the world.”

We need people. Humans require connection, someone to understand, to listen, and to sit side-by-side with us. It's funny to me how much I crave connection, yet how unwilling I've been to open my own heart.

To receive love, we need to give it. To feel connection, we must share something vulnerable. Vulnerable, meaning real.

The more facades we put up, the less others are able to see us, which is exactly what we so desperately need - to be seen. To be heard. To exist.

Some people may know how to do this naturally, to act in alignment with their true self. Historically, I have not been one of those people. Whether I realized it or not, protecting myself from pain became more important than putting my true self out there. I gave people the version they wanted, and basically stayed guarded from any real emotion, any connection, any loss.

The first time I felt desperate enough to admit I couldn't do something on my own was when my drinking got really bad. I had read all the books and just wanted to know the solution so I could take care of the problem - not bother anyone. Recovery meetings became so much more than a tool to stop drinking. Somehow, by listening to others share their stories, stories that were just like mine, I felt seen. I felt heard. I also felt safe, and like I could actually be myself, even though the parts of myself I was sharing were so dark and imperfect.

I learned that by showing up - as me - I was able to not only help others, but also able to receive the love and connection I had always desired.

Revealing our imperfections, in any relationship or community, is how we let others in. The protection I had been wearing may have been padding me from pain, but it was also keeping me isolated and alone. Trying to do everything on my own, and not letting others help, kept everyone at an arm's length. Receiving help always felt too intimate, whether it was accepting food when I was sick, or reaching out for help with the kids when I was busy.

I used to think I was just independent and strong-willed. I'm learning that a guarded heart, masked as independence, might be what has kept me feeling alone in the world. The moment you decide to open your heart, you'll immediately feel the difference.

An open heart feels like falling at first, but then you start to notice the people who are all around to catch you. There are resources you didn't see or acknowledge before. You have skills and experiences you overlooked or minimized. The excitement of your heart finally open begins to build, and you realize how much you've been missing out on by trying to stay in control.

Humans require connection. Connection with another human, one who sees you, provides a spiritual experience right here on Earth.

Go for it. Wherever you have been holding back, let your heart open, and trust that the gifts and lessons you will receive are worth it.

An Open Heart Feels Like...

To receive love, we need to give it. To feel connection, we must share something vulnerable. Vulnerable, meaning real.