Who am I?

The lure of new ideas and adventures easily pull me from my center. I romanticize what I don't have, or what I think I want. I lose site of my current circumstance and falsely believe something different, something on the other side, will make me happy. Where is my happiness coming from? Not these outside factors - in my mind, and even in my heart, I know this to be true. And yet, the shiny horizon of some unknown beyond beckons me, come this way. Travel here instead, and life will be easier, more bearable.

Maybe you are weighing some options right now. How do you know which path to take?

This week I have been grappling with several choices related to my career, and I don't know where to go. I feel like I have endless options in front of me, and they all seem good, so how do I decide? I have come to the simplest decision - do nothing. Stay. Embrace everything that is abundant in my life right now, and have faith that everything will fall into place.

I am inside a question, Who am I? The answer is, I am.

I am goes against my craving for a focused identity. I want the answer to be specific, not infinite. I want the answer so I can know what to do. If I knew who I was, according to a career, a role, or a lifestyle, then I would know how to act and behave.

Maybe this is where our attachments to our identity come from - a place where we want to know what to do next. In a world where the simplest answer is probably the truth, we make life more difficult.

My recovery is a great teacher into this phrase, I am, and what it actually means. In recovery, I am not defined by my past, yet my addiction serves as a tangible reminder for how I want to feel and who I want to be. I want to be loving, kind, generous, compassionate, present, and alive. Sobriety gives me all these things and I miraculously have learned how to do each one (most of the time).

My other roles and identities, such as mother, yoga teacher, woman, sister, daughter, and friend, also allow me to live with joy, love, understanding, acceptance and service. Our roles are not so much there to define us, but to act as channels to share our gifts with others. If our roles went away, if we changed jobs or changed where we live, we would still be us, the I am.

Simply, when we are joyous and fulfilled, we give that to others. The job, role, or identity is secondary to our overall behavior.

There are toxic yoga teachers and compassionate truck drivers. There are terrible therapists and insightful bartenders. Our daily roles are a route to spreading joy and goodness. I am means we can achieve whatever we want in life, but the significance relies on how we touch and relate to others, not on the title or perceived value.

Who am I? The question feels open, wide, and impossible. What if there are no ropes keeping me tied to an answer? What if every action I take comes from a place of pure joy and helping, rather than an identity marker, or something to attain?

If you are weighing options, or have a decision to make, keep in mind that none of it defines you. What brings you joy? What fulfills you and moves you? Let go of outside logic and appearance, and focus on the truth of who you are - I am.