Being in the Unknown
Have you noticed that before you fall there is a moment of flight? When you trip, you first lurch upward, before falling down. A petal stays suspended momentarily in air, after it drops from the flower and before it lands on the earth. There is an uncomfortable pause at the top of the inhale, and a tightness at the bottom of the exhale, before the next breath arrives.
In-between spaces are everywhere.
Yet the breath always arrives - the next inhale, the next job, the new relationship. The most difficult space to be in is IN THE SPACE. The space before the next arrival.
I think the reason this in-between space is so uncomfortable is because we have no ego possessions to fill it. I'm naming anything that we attach to our identity as an ego possession - a role, a job, a person, an achievement, and of course material possessions. Our ego dislikes the in-between, the space. Our ego dislikes the space because all we are left with is our Self.
When our ego is fed, with tasks, busy-ness, and conquests, we are constantly running on autopilot. Meaning, we churn through our day and don't ask questions. Contrastingly, when we are in the space, we ask questions. Our heart and our Self has so many questions - about life, faith, purpose, Dharma, and love... but sometimes we are afraid to ask, afraid to ponder, because questions like this might reveal an uncomfortable awareness about ourself.
How many times have you had a free chunk of time and you find yourself filling it? With social media, snacking, or online shopping? Anything to feed your ego and avoid your Self. When I lived in Chicago and took the el train to work, I sometimes forgot a book or something to do. (This was before smartphones). I immediately became agitated when I realized I would be forced to sit still the entire commute and simply be left with myself and my thoughts.
I still find it so hard to sit still - because then who knows what will come up?
Spaces of unknown exist between life's beginnings and endings, or endings and beginnings. An ended relationship, a career move, a geographical move... even spiritual journeys have spaces of unknown. Sometimes we are floating along on a spiritual high - our routine is going great, we feel fulfilled and insightful. Then, we hit a wall or a pause. Our routine gets clunky and a fog rolls into the crevices of our brain. Now what?
The unknown is an opportunity to pay attention. The unknown space before the next arrival often feels claustrophobic and suffocating - we want to know. We don't like the unknown because we are forced to let go of control. We are forced to wait. We are forced to sit. Even when we have a plan, we really don't know what's coming next, or what it will feel like.
If you're IN the space, if you're IN the unknown, breathe.
Always breathe, but breathe even more deeply while in the unknown. The breath will bring a calmness to your mind, and will lift some of the fog. The breath will anchor you, and make you feel more safe and less out of control. Remind yourself that you have been here before, with nothing to focus on except yourself. Then, get to know yourself. Get curious, check in, and ask yourself how you're doing. Often I close my eyes, place my hand on my heart, and simply say, "Hey, what's going on with you?" "What do you need from me today?"
It's crazy, but I always have an answer for myself. Try it :)
