I never expected my recovery to become a spiritual path. I just wanted to quit drinking because it was causing so many problems in my life. But then, recovery became many things, not just quitting booze but also practicing meditation and yoga, attending therapy, addressing disordered eating, addressing codependency, addressing control issues and childhood scars. When I tore off the alcohol band-aid, not only did I expose my addiction to a drug, I also opened up a slew of addictive, self-violating patterns that I had been practicing my entire life.

My recovery led me to self-awareness which led me further along my spiritual path.

I never expected yoga to become a spiritual path. Yoga started as a way to get out of my house and out of my mind. Yoga started as an escape. But once there, on my mat, I observed sensations in my body, and instead of running from them, or drowning them in wine, I stayed. I cried on my mat and I let my heart break wide open in Camel Pose. The ability to feel my own emotions on the mat is irreplaceable. Without my mat and without the poses, I never would have known how to let any of these emotions in.

I never expected to be on a spiritual path at all. I didn't think I needed it. My life looked pretty good - the house, the husband, the two kids. I went to church and I prayed every night before bed.

But I didn't get it. I was going through the motions of life because it was all something I had been conditioned to do. I always did what I was told. I always followed the logical, acceptable way. I saw approval on everyone's faces and I never asked anything of myself.

It took hitting bottom in my addiction for me to wake up. I had betrayed myself for so long everything finally caught up with me. To exist on this earth comes with responsibility - and the responsibility is to ourselves. We owe ourselves whatever we are here to do. Which means we live according to our unique essence, even when our path looks unconventional.

In yoga this is called Dharma, our soul purpose. Anything done in the pursuit of your Dharma will transform you. Dharma is our scared duty on this earth. In my true fashion, I always thought of Dharma in terms of a giant end goal - "life purpose" or "sacred duty" must mean accomplishing something BIG and life-changing, like inventing the light bulb or becoming Martin Luther King.

“To pursue our Dharma, we only need to listen to our heart, and follow what it tells us, maybe leaving a job, maybe leaving a relationship, maybe changing a habit, maybe pursuing a life-long dream.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀”

But, I've learned that sacred duty simply means acting out our true nature, our essence. Another way to put this would be to live our truth. And what that looks like is different for everyone. Dharma is not flashy or glamorous. Dharma is not about seeking fame or fortune. Dharma is humbly being who you are, and accepting and honoring the truth that is inside you. To pursue our Dharma, we only need to listen to our heart, and follow what it tells us, maybe leaving a job, maybe leaving a relationship, maybe changing a habit, maybe pursuing a life-long dream.

Our rational mind and our ego will try to point us away from our Dharma, but our soul will know. Anything done in pursuit of your Dharma will transform you - which means the path might look a lot like pain. And in the overcoming, you'll learn the exact thing that is meant for you.

As you walk through the fire, you'll deepen your understanding of compassion, kindness, and resilience. All human characteristics that not only benefit the individual human, but also all of humanity.

You owe yourself this life. No one else. What does your path look like for you?

You Owe Yourself This Life

As you walk through the fire, you'll deepen your understanding of compassion, kindness, and resilience. All human characteristics that not only benefit the individual human, but also all of humanity.